60+ age Dad Acts like a Child & Wife Suffers

Dad Acts like a Child

I hate it when my mom has to do everything while my Dad acts like a child just sits around, busy watching YouTube and acting stress-free. My mom constantly ends up doing both her part and my dad’s part of the housework.

Right now, it's summer break. Since both of my parents are teachers, they get about a month and a half to relax. Common sense dictates that the things you use on a daily basis should be packed and set aside so they are ready when school reopens—things like school bags, stationery, and tiffin/lunch boxes. Right?

But my dad didn’t do it. Now that the holidays are almost over, my mom found the tiffin/lunch boxes sitting in a corner of the kitchen. Even though they had been washed, they were now filthy because nobody—including my dad, whose tiffins / lunch boxes they are—bothered to put them away. My mom had to rewash them all over again because they were covered in dust.

She was understandably pissed when she saw that he had washed them but hadn't arranged them or put them aside for the next term.

Mom:

“Now I have to rewash these and put them away. And if I say anything, you guys will just tell me not to pick a fight. If I tell your father, he’ll just tell me to leave it and that he’ll do it tomorrow.”

She wasn't just complaining about the tiffin/lunch boxes; she was upset about the lack of responsibility. She does everything in this house, and for 80% of their marriage, she has been the primary breadwinner. My dad is like another child she has to feed and babysit. He is an adult, but he behaves like a teenager.

60+ age Dad Acts like a Child, while the Wife has to earn and do the Dishes. — Navigating the friction of unmet expectations and domestic roles within the family.

The Proof:

The proof is in how he reacted when I confronted him about the situation.

Dad:

“Tell your mom to keep them. I will do it tomorrow.” (Making an irritated face)

Me:

“That’s fine, but that is not the point, Dad. I’m trying to tell you that you should have taken care of it so she doesn’t have to work double.”

Dad:

“Look, don't speak too much. Just leave.” (Clearly irritated that his YouTube time was being disturbed)

This made me mad—not a hot, fiery anger, but a deep, heavy disappointment. Why? Because I have been angry since 2016, and I only finally forgave him last year for being an absent parent. I didn't forgive him because I accepted his behavior; I did it because the anger was eating me up from the inside. I had to let go of the past to find peace.

Watching this, I felt so bad for my mom. I realized that while my dad may be 60+ years old, he isn't truly an adult. He was a "mamma’s boy" who never grew up; he was simply passed from his mother to his wife, who took over the role of parenting him for life.

My mom doesn’t just provide for the family; she plays the role of both wife and mother to him. This naturally pisses my brother and me off. We both help her as much as we can, but no matter how much we do, we can’t fill the void of the husband our father fails to be. Even though I have tried to talk to him many times to make him aware of his mistakes, he refuses to change.

Illustration of a tense family confrontation where a young woman faces an older man holding a phone showing YouTube, while an older woman washes dishes in the background. — Exploring the disconnect between digital habits and family expectations.

Why is this happening?

In my opinion, based on his family history, his parents pampered him and never taught him how to grow up. To that generation, "growing up" just meant earning money, owning a house, and getting married. No one taught these Boomers that adulting is also about taking responsibility. It means that if you fail to do something, you should offer a reason and accountability, not an excuse or blame. But all my dad does is find a twisted way to blame someone else for his responsibilities.

He wants the credit and the respect of a man carrying the weight of a family, but he doesn't want to do any of the work. He expects it all to be handled by the educated wife he married. Honestly, I wouldn't even mind him not providing financially if he at least helped my mom with her chores. Instead, he just watches YouTube and relaxes. In his mind, following the example of his own father, it is the wife’s job to take care of him, the kids, and the house—even when she’s the one earning the money, too.